Monday, September 28, 2009
Are women happy?
I probably should have started my new blog with this topic, because its very beginning is based on the fact that I felt I needed an outlet, and that writing on a regular basis would make me happy. .. .
But my personal happiness is not the big story here -- It’s been all over the news this past week and the consensus seems to be that today’s women are not happy: Arianna Huffington did a post last week entitled, “The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling”: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/the-sad-shocking-truth-ab_b_290021.html, and Maureen Dowd’s column last Sunday in the New York Times is called “Blue is the New Black”: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20dowd.html
But what is the real story? Are women less happy than they were 40 years ago, and what will it take to make women happier? It’s a difficult question to answer, and depends on one’s circumstances.
If, as a woman, you are dealing with issues of freedom, famine, war, sex crimes, abuse, infanticide of girls, etc., you are dealing with basic, fundamental issues that affect your life at a gut level. Empowering women and creating laws that protect women should be the ultimate goals.
Bill Clinton was on the Daily Show this week talking about his Clinton Global Initiative and about how women are the number one driver of economic growth, and that access to women's education and health care are the most important initiatives for the CGI this year. http://www.thedailyshow.com/. Also, an article from the National Post discusses how Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has made women a centerpiece of her diplomatic visits saying that empowering women is the single most important thing that can be done to drive global prosperity: http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/posted/archive/2009/08/18/hillary-clinton-makes-women-s-rights-top-priority.aspx
But if you live in a free country like the United States, and you are educated, have a partner, have a family, but are dealing with two full time jobs, commutes, and childcare, then your issues of happiness are much more specific. You need more TIME, you need to pair down your “to-do” list to the essentials, . . .. Dare I saw, you may need to say “no” more often.
But are you happy or unhappy? It’s really a very individual thing at this point. You may say you are happy that you have kids, and can see them grow up. You may pine for the simpler time when you were dating or newly married and didn’t have all the responsibility, and you may be utterly exhausted.
There are several new books that are tackling this subject from different perspectives that we might want to explore:
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
http://www.amazon.com/Half-Sky-Oppression-Opportunity-Worldwide/dp/0307267148/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253561482&sr=1-1
-- The oppression of women is not only a moral issue but also affects the growth of the world economy. This book is currently on the bestseller list and it takes the idea of women’s happiness to a global/political sphere, and thus outside ourselves to hopefully help women who are less fortunate then we are, and ultimately change the world.
Women Want More: How to Capture Your Share of the World's Largest, Fastest-Growing Market by Michael J. Silverstein and Kate Sayre http://www.amazon.com/Women-Want-More-Capture-Fastest-Growing/dp/0061776416/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253559082&sr=1-1
-- Women want more TIME; the book is based on the Boston Consulting Group’s global study of over 12,000 in over 22 countries. The authors’ findings are sometimes surprising: pets come before sex and time comes before money.
Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently by Marcus Buckingham:
http://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Strongest-Life-Differently/dp/1400202361/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253561570&sr=1-1
-- Women want less choice. This was discussed in Maureen Dowd’s column, but I think she makes too much of it – we definitely should not go back to the “simpler times” when women couldn’t get the jobs men could (and they definitely didn’t get paid the same), when societal pressures said that you had to get married and have a bunch of kids, when abortion was illegal.
The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin (out in January):
http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Project-Morning-Aristotle-Generally/dp/0061583251/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253561615&sr=1-1
--One woman’s journey on the road towards happiness, a project: http://www.happiness-project.com/; women may need to help others in order to feel happy with themselves. This book takes the “O, the Oprah Magazine” stance that we are in control of our own happiness and can try lots of different things to get there.
But is happiness a destination? Will we ever “get there”? I don’t think so.
I think every day is a struggle to find balance between what we need to do and what we want to do: get up and go to work, cook (or buy healthy food), clean, handle one’s finances, take care of others (kids, partners, pets) and the things we want to do like travel, take long walks, etc. (yes, there can be overlap)
Having read all of these items in the news and about these books, I am finding that being happy is a daily struggle. And I know that my hopes, dreams, frustrations are my own and very personal, but they are also other women’s as well. I think it comes down to being in the moment and looking at each day as a gift. And, trying to look outside oneself towards helping others, like volunteering or mentoring.
So, what makes you happy? I want to know . . . . .
Some things that make me happy (not in any particular order):
• Taking a power walk with my ipod blasting 80s and disco music
• Writing this blog!
• Seeing and talking with friends that inspire me (and who are positive)
• Cooking when I have a leisurely time to do it
• Reading books, just for fun (and finding myself escaping into a totally new world)
• Hearing and seeing my husband laugh (he laughs with his whole body)
• Patting my cat Sabine
• My book club
• Talking to my nephew Max who is about to turn 6 (he’s so smart, it just amazes me)
• Getting a kiss from my other nephew Ben (last time I saw him, he grabbed my face with both hands and planted a big wet one on me)
• When someone I worked with in the past, compliments me by telling me that they really like the job I did for them.
• Anticipating my god daughter’s 1st b-day party
• Collecting sea glass
• Shopping (see first blog post)
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TOPIC! :)
But my personal happiness is not the big story here -- It’s been all over the news this past week and the consensus seems to be that today’s women are not happy: Arianna Huffington did a post last week entitled, “The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling”: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/the-sad-shocking-truth-ab_b_290021.html, and Maureen Dowd’s column last Sunday in the New York Times is called “Blue is the New Black”: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20dowd.html
But what is the real story? Are women less happy than they were 40 years ago, and what will it take to make women happier? It’s a difficult question to answer, and depends on one’s circumstances.
If, as a woman, you are dealing with issues of freedom, famine, war, sex crimes, abuse, infanticide of girls, etc., you are dealing with basic, fundamental issues that affect your life at a gut level. Empowering women and creating laws that protect women should be the ultimate goals.
Bill Clinton was on the Daily Show this week talking about his Clinton Global Initiative and about how women are the number one driver of economic growth, and that access to women's education and health care are the most important initiatives for the CGI this year. http://www.thedailyshow.com/. Also, an article from the National Post discusses how Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has made women a centerpiece of her diplomatic visits saying that empowering women is the single most important thing that can be done to drive global prosperity: http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/posted/archive/2009/08/18/hillary-clinton-makes-women-s-rights-top-priority.aspx
But if you live in a free country like the United States, and you are educated, have a partner, have a family, but are dealing with two full time jobs, commutes, and childcare, then your issues of happiness are much more specific. You need more TIME, you need to pair down your “to-do” list to the essentials, . . .. Dare I saw, you may need to say “no” more often.
But are you happy or unhappy? It’s really a very individual thing at this point. You may say you are happy that you have kids, and can see them grow up. You may pine for the simpler time when you were dating or newly married and didn’t have all the responsibility, and you may be utterly exhausted.
There are several new books that are tackling this subject from different perspectives that we might want to explore:
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn
http://www.amazon.com/Half-Sky-Oppression-Opportunity-Worldwide/dp/0307267148/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253561482&sr=1-1
-- The oppression of women is not only a moral issue but also affects the growth of the world economy. This book is currently on the bestseller list and it takes the idea of women’s happiness to a global/political sphere, and thus outside ourselves to hopefully help women who are less fortunate then we are, and ultimately change the world.
Women Want More: How to Capture Your Share of the World's Largest, Fastest-Growing Market by Michael J. Silverstein and Kate Sayre http://www.amazon.com/Women-Want-More-Capture-Fastest-Growing/dp/0061776416/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253559082&sr=1-1
-- Women want more TIME; the book is based on the Boston Consulting Group’s global study of over 12,000 in over 22 countries. The authors’ findings are sometimes surprising: pets come before sex and time comes before money.
Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently by Marcus Buckingham:
http://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Strongest-Life-Differently/dp/1400202361/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253561570&sr=1-1
-- Women want less choice. This was discussed in Maureen Dowd’s column, but I think she makes too much of it – we definitely should not go back to the “simpler times” when women couldn’t get the jobs men could (and they definitely didn’t get paid the same), when societal pressures said that you had to get married and have a bunch of kids, when abortion was illegal.
The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin (out in January):
http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Project-Morning-Aristotle-Generally/dp/0061583251/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253561615&sr=1-1
--One woman’s journey on the road towards happiness, a project: http://www.happiness-project.com/; women may need to help others in order to feel happy with themselves. This book takes the “O, the Oprah Magazine” stance that we are in control of our own happiness and can try lots of different things to get there.
But is happiness a destination? Will we ever “get there”? I don’t think so.
I think every day is a struggle to find balance between what we need to do and what we want to do: get up and go to work, cook (or buy healthy food), clean, handle one’s finances, take care of others (kids, partners, pets) and the things we want to do like travel, take long walks, etc. (yes, there can be overlap)
Having read all of these items in the news and about these books, I am finding that being happy is a daily struggle. And I know that my hopes, dreams, frustrations are my own and very personal, but they are also other women’s as well. I think it comes down to being in the moment and looking at each day as a gift. And, trying to look outside oneself towards helping others, like volunteering or mentoring.
So, what makes you happy? I want to know . . . . .
Some things that make me happy (not in any particular order):
• Taking a power walk with my ipod blasting 80s and disco music
• Writing this blog!
• Seeing and talking with friends that inspire me (and who are positive)
• Cooking when I have a leisurely time to do it
• Reading books, just for fun (and finding myself escaping into a totally new world)
• Hearing and seeing my husband laugh (he laughs with his whole body)
• Patting my cat Sabine
• My book club
• Talking to my nephew Max who is about to turn 6 (he’s so smart, it just amazes me)
• Getting a kiss from my other nephew Ben (last time I saw him, he grabbed my face with both hands and planted a big wet one on me)
• When someone I worked with in the past, compliments me by telling me that they really like the job I did for them.
• Anticipating my god daughter’s 1st b-day party
• Collecting sea glass
• Shopping (see first blog post)
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS TOPIC! :)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Why can’t stores be open when I want them to?
Do you ever have an overwhelming urge to do something and then the outlet does not exist?
This morning, after meeting my authors for an interview at NBC studio's "Weekend Today" about what women want, (their book is called Women Want More) for which their segment was bumped (a pesky terrorist scare was to blame), I felt an overwhelming urge to go shopping to assuage my pain.
Here I was, surrounded by stores aplenty in the plaza at Rockefeller Center – all those chain stores that you can go to in a mall in the suburbs: J. Crew, Anthropologie, Banana Republic, Coach, etc., but here are the glossy, flagships with their whimsical window displays and I wanted in. I had just stood in a mind-numbing line at Dean and Deluca to get a croissant and coffee and I dearly wanted to browse (and dare I say buy), and at 10:00 a.m. on a Sunday in September, when the sun is high in the sky, the weather is still Indian summer warm, and there are European tourists all over the place, you’d think I’d be able to.
But no – in the midst of a full scale recession where stores are going out of business and even Barnes & Nobles are losing leases, all of these stores were closed!
OK, I know it is Sunday morning, but we’re in a recession for God’s sake and there are tourists (and shopaholic New Yorkers) all over the place, so can’t you cater to us? I wanted to try on that delicious little black and white stripped dress with the corset top and laced ribbon back that I saw in the Anthropologie catalogue. I do my share of online shopping (Zappos.com, J.Jill), but I wanted to try it on at that very moment.
I thought I’d wait it out – I called a few friends while sitting on a bench, eavesdropping on an architectural tour, and I called my Mom. I called my brother and spoke to my sister-in-law for a minute while my nephew screamed in the background, I called my husband to complain and ask him to look up stuff for me on Google since I’m blackberry deficient, I even read a few pages of a manuscript for work: The Devil’s Star by Jo Nesbo. . …. 10:00 a.m. turned to 11:00 a.m. and still nothing. Tourists and other possible New Yorkers passed by the mythical Anthropologie pressing their noses to the glass, but saw the futility of waiting around and left.
I picked myself up – me in my black dress, black blazer and purple tights with professionally looking blue Coach tote – and decided to walk over to 42nd Street to the New Balance store on 42nd St. to check out running shoes. Another disaster – the store was barred up with a sign that said – “while we undergo renovations, visit us at 49th and 7th”. Now, why couldn’t they have had that on their non-existent answering machine? I had called and got no answer.
At this point, I’d had enough, and I stumbled (in ill-fitting black pumps) over to the train station to go home. Another day had gone by without total fulfillment. But as Scarlett O’Hara said in Gone with the Wind, “Tomorrow is another day.”
This morning, after meeting my authors for an interview at NBC studio's "Weekend Today" about what women want, (their book is called Women Want More) for which their segment was bumped (a pesky terrorist scare was to blame), I felt an overwhelming urge to go shopping to assuage my pain.
Here I was, surrounded by stores aplenty in the plaza at Rockefeller Center – all those chain stores that you can go to in a mall in the suburbs: J. Crew, Anthropologie, Banana Republic, Coach, etc., but here are the glossy, flagships with their whimsical window displays and I wanted in. I had just stood in a mind-numbing line at Dean and Deluca to get a croissant and coffee and I dearly wanted to browse (and dare I say buy), and at 10:00 a.m. on a Sunday in September, when the sun is high in the sky, the weather is still Indian summer warm, and there are European tourists all over the place, you’d think I’d be able to.
But no – in the midst of a full scale recession where stores are going out of business and even Barnes & Nobles are losing leases, all of these stores were closed!
OK, I know it is Sunday morning, but we’re in a recession for God’s sake and there are tourists (and shopaholic New Yorkers) all over the place, so can’t you cater to us? I wanted to try on that delicious little black and white stripped dress with the corset top and laced ribbon back that I saw in the Anthropologie catalogue. I do my share of online shopping (Zappos.com, J.Jill), but I wanted to try it on at that very moment.
I thought I’d wait it out – I called a few friends while sitting on a bench, eavesdropping on an architectural tour, and I called my Mom. I called my brother and spoke to my sister-in-law for a minute while my nephew screamed in the background, I called my husband to complain and ask him to look up stuff for me on Google since I’m blackberry deficient, I even read a few pages of a manuscript for work: The Devil’s Star by Jo Nesbo. . …. 10:00 a.m. turned to 11:00 a.m. and still nothing. Tourists and other possible New Yorkers passed by the mythical Anthropologie pressing their noses to the glass, but saw the futility of waiting around and left.
I picked myself up – me in my black dress, black blazer and purple tights with professionally looking blue Coach tote – and decided to walk over to 42nd Street to the New Balance store on 42nd St. to check out running shoes. Another disaster – the store was barred up with a sign that said – “while we undergo renovations, visit us at 49th and 7th”. Now, why couldn’t they have had that on their non-existent answering machine? I had called and got no answer.
At this point, I’d had enough, and I stumbled (in ill-fitting black pumps) over to the train station to go home. Another day had gone by without total fulfillment. But as Scarlett O’Hara said in Gone with the Wind, “Tomorrow is another day.”
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